Saturday, July 16, 2011

Bacon Jam.......You read it right. Bacon. Jam. It has a special place in my heart. That place is called my right coronary artery.

I have read many blogs about bacon jam. I have seen shows that feature bacon jam. They all share a common need to use extremely flourishy, overly dramatic, ridiculous verbiage to describe this food. I will not do that in this description. It is, after all, just food..............

Picture an old man. The old man is reclining in an easy chair by a fire, his warm living room surrounding him with pictures and knick knacks, each one a good memory, an old friend. His trusty dog Skip is curled up on the throw rug lazily wagging his tail, his gray whiskers twitching as he snores by the firelight. The old man looks around at the teary eyed faces of his three children, six grandchildren and twelve great-grandchildren, all gathered around him. They pat his hand and try to huddle close, so that they can share in his company for just a little bit longer. One grandson, in a low voice, says, "Grandpa, what's the best thing that ever happened to you?"
He carefully studies each of their faces, fondly remembering each of their births, each of their weddings, graduations and school plays. He muses about the Christmases they all spent together and the times they celebrated their victories and shored each other up in their challenges. After a long, pregnant pause, he looks his grandson square in the eye and says....
"Bacon Jam."

Bacon Jam is the Shangrli La of condiments. Bacon Jam saves babies from falling in wells. Bacon Jam can bring peace to the Middle East. Bacon Jam could make it okay for white comediens to do impressions of black people. Bacon Jam can sit on a stool in an empty room with a spotlight on it and call itself "performance art," and it would actually be good art. Bacon Jam should run for office. I'm thinking County Commision. Even pigs like Bacon Jam. Bacon Jam makes even my pork tacos taste good. Bacon Jam can punch through a stack of flaming bricks. Bacon Jam breaks hearts....literally. Bacon Jam makes perfection look like it has a lot of room for improvement. Bacon Jam can get Mark Antony and J-Lo back together. Bacon Jam can right wrongs and sing songs. Bacon Jam could win any rap battle, and without using bad language or talking about anyone's mother. Bacon Jam is the Steven Segal of food products. Bacon Jam. It's what you eat when you're in heaven.

Okay. I apologize for that.
Bacon Jam is exactly what it sounds like. It is a sticky, melty, slightly sweet, slightly crunchy, spread made from reduced, rendered bacon and a bunch of spices. It was apparently a product sold by a street food truck called Skillet Street Food, and then it was on food network, and now everyone writes about it (try and find that old man bit on another won't), and I had to try it. It just sounded too good to be true.
Of the recipes I read, mine is the closest to the one on an Australian lady's blog called Not Quite Nigella. It can be found at
I busted out the porcelain covered cast iron Dutch Oven (hee hee) that Preggy Potter got me for our anniversary, and I went to town....

Here is the Mother of My Children chopping bacon. I might cry, this image makes me so happy....

We browned the bacon and then sweated some shallots and garlic in the bacon drippings, then combined it all in the dutch oven.

Next, I stirred the pot around every thirty minutes for two hours, adding water when it got a little dry. 

one hour

Two hours

After a quick blast in the food processor, it was ready to chill and serve.
I brought some to my friend, and he has sent me many messages saying how much it transformed breakfast sandwiches into works of art, but honestly, I was almost afraid of my own creation. In fact, it was a solid four days before I properly ate the bacon jam on anything. But tonight, I punched my inhibitions and my cardiovascular system in the face and added it to the Perfect Pork Burger (See
Now, I'd like to say that since I had bacon jam on my burger, I didn't need to add a strip of bacon. I would also like to have one million dollars in not sequential bills, but I have coped with the fact that that is not true either. I put bacon jam on there with bacon. That's like the time my grandmother took leftovers from Thanksgiving, including turkey, and fed it to her chickens. It's just wrong.  But if you don't like it I DON"T CARE! (In Pizza Shop Arnold voice). It was insane. It was incredible. It was burger nirvana.
I am done here, folks. I know my post may not measure up to the others out there about this topic, but I feel like the two and a half people who read this blog need to know how good this really is. Try it. Tonight. Harris Teeter is open all night.......
Bacon Jam
(Modified from Not Quite Nigella's original)
1 pound Smoked Thick Cut Bacon
4 cloves garlic
5 smallish shallots, sliced
3 tablespoons dark brown sugar
1 tablespoon Cholula hot sauce
1 cup McDonald's Coffee (yes, coffee)
1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
1/4 cup maple flavored syrup (walmart brand)
Water as needed

Chop bacon into one inch pieces and brown slightly. Drain about half the grease and then sweat the shallots and garlic until translucent. Add bacon, shallots and garlic to large dutch oven and then stir in other ingredients. Simmer, uncovered, for two hours, stirring and adding water every half hour until it looks like the La Brea tar pits.
Allow to cool and transfer to food processor, then gently pulse until it looks spreadable. Don't puree too smooth. Spread on toast, burgers, or anything really. I'm thinking about putting it on a carrot, just for the irony. You need to try this one. Really. It's good food.

1 comment:

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