Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Dining with the Extremely Pregnant.......

Men don't know what it's like to be pregnant. The closest thing, I guess, will be if that Sonny and Cher kid gets pregnant, which seems unlikely. So, the rest of us have to deal with the fact that there is one area about which women can honestly say "This sucks on so many levels, none of which you can understand with your tiny brain and lack of a uterus." Mind you, I'm not complaining. A baby bump would just simply look awkward on me. Though I am jealous of the voluminous Spandex tops on all of The Notorious P.R.E.G.'s pants. If you wear a long shirt, you can't even tell!

Anyways, because of this irreconcilable gender specific burden, certain concessions must be made. Now don't get me wrong, I would do anything for My Beautiful Wife (I even have her number in my phone under this title), and I would do it just because of the endless fount of love that I have for her which springs from my eternal soul, and not because of some child-bearing related entitlement. But nonetheless, with less than two weeks away from a delivery, which I am sure will only be able to be described as.....laborious, I am not about to impose my cooking hijinks on my little basketball smuggler. She has been chomping TUMs night and day (New Baby will have the strongest bones in the universe) due to the scorching heartburn she can't escape. She can't sleep. She can't keep her eyes open. When she describes the exact locations of her pains, I find my face contorting into shapes I can only acheive another way by sipping hot Natural Ice and then taking a bite of curdled yogurt. For Jimminy Cricket's Sakes Alive, give the woman what she wants to eat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, tonight, I left it up to Mama. And our menu included the following. And this is no lie.

Hamburger Helper Beef Stroganoff
Green Beans (from a can)
Pineapple slices (from a can)
White Bread

It wasn't pretty. But for my baby, it was perfect. And a little gummy. But perfect. And MSG-y. But, again...Perfect.

Come on home, New Baby. Come on home.

BTW: Preglociraptor approved this message....

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